Straight Mate's First Date Plan B

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Last weekend my straight friend and I decided to invite some people over and have a cookout at his house. Everything went great at first, and we all were having a good time. Eventually everyone left except for me, him, and his girlfriend. His girlfriend went upstairs to bed, and he and I stayed downstairs and continued drinking. We are both partial to whiskey, and man was it going down easy that night. Before long we found ourselves pretty hammered. Do you think she’s going to be understanding enough to hear your story and realize that it was just something that occurred as a result of you being wasted and doubling-up on Klonopin? I’m not sure that most women would be that understanding. The much missed DJ Tallulah (1948-2008) span at Studio 54 in New York, but in 1974 took London by storm as the resident DJ at Bang on Charing Cross Road. When asked about dance music culture, he sniffed: “The rave lifestyle of Ibiza in the late ‘80s was just a vanilla version of the New York gay lifestyle of the ‘70s.”

We’ve always gotten along well but, I can’t say we were ever close. Well, at least not until recently. He's a gym trainer and sports freak How It First HappenedThe most celebrated Trade DJ remains the late, great Tony De Vit (1957 –1998). Tony’s mixing skills and ability to spin an overwhelming symphony of hard house led to him being venerated like a god.

Eventually his girlfriend went upstairs to bed (for the record, I'm almost positive she doesn't know or suspect anything). I don't remember much after that because I fell asleep in a chair watching TV (as I've done on so many weekends at his house in the past). When I woke up this morning to go home, I was the only one downstairs (again, just like most weekends). I let myself out and headed home. It certainly worked. We promoted two very well attended and respected nights; Pumpin’ Curls and then Kitty Lips. These clubs ran alongside Trade at Turnmills, as the little sister club. Laurence Malice was very supportive and helped open many doors for us.

Like your friend, the jury is well and truly out on this one. Some LGBT+ people think it’s OK if someone says they knew all along, that it’s reassuring and a relief and can speed the discussion along, trivialising the event, almost, but in a positive way. On the other hand, “I knew all along” can also take control of the coming-out away from them and make it about you. The LGBT+ person may have thought they’d successfully hidden it from you, and may have agonised over it and exhausted themselves with the effort. Telling them you knew all along, and that effectively this was a waste of time, may make them laugh hysterically at the ridiculousness of it all, or feel like they’ve failed somehow. So, it’s better to leave that one for now. If they ask you whether you had any suspicions, be honest, but say you hadn’t wanted to offend them by asking and that you’d assumed they were just working things out for themselves. Say you’re pleased they told you, honoured even Finally, is there a part of you who has feelings for him? I’m not saying you do. Instead, I’m merely asking. The reason is that sometimes, gay men end up falling for guys who are emotionally unavailable. While we celebrate 50 years of Pride this year, Metro.co.uk is shining a light on two charities that offer life saving support to the LGBTQ+ community - and asking readers to please donate whatever you can to help them both continue to help others. I have no idea how long this whole quarantine thing will last. At the time of this post, it seems like this could go on for many weeks, perhaps into summer.

Sometime in the distant future, you might want to bring it up just to get it off your chest. I would let a lot of time pass before I talked about it though. It always helps to talk about a sensitive subject like this after a considerable amount of time has passed. It won’t feel so weird talking about it if a year or so has gone by. If you do decide to bring it up in the future, make sure the time is right. Choose a time when you and your friend are both in a good mood, and when you can talk about it in private and face-to-face. My friend and I were very close at the time, and I valued that friendship much more than any sexual experience. I didn’t want one stupid night to mess up our friendship. I was perfectly willing to pretend it never happened because I knew that’s what he wanted (and part of me wanted that too).

Don’t get offended they didn't tell you before – it’s hard

So, in reading your post, my sense is you are really attracted to him. Moreover, your roomie also appears to be attracted to you.

he told the girlfriend that he was drunk and remembers nothing so she can believe the lie too. he told you that as well as an indirect way of saying "whatever happened, dont bring it up again and it did not happen". Don’t get me wrong, I know there’s still a journey to go for a lot of people in some communities, but I think it’s a good time to recognise that and also remind ourselves of how far we’ve come. We both ended up getting totally wasted, to the point where I can't remember big parts of the night. All I know is that some stuff happened that really shouldn't have happened. Do you think she will understand that this was just a physical act that occurred in your intoxicated state and in no way reflects on your sexual preference? I’ve told you that I don’t think this makes you gay or even bi, but it’s not like you can just print off this post and show it to your girlfriend as proof. I think that most straight people have a problem understanding situations like this because they identify so strongly with being straight. So until they find themselves in a similar situation, they don’t see how it can be possible for a straight person to have a sexual experience with a person of the same sex and not be gay or at least bisexual. This is why you’re having such a hard time dealing with the whole experience, and it’s very likely that your girlfriend would have a problem with it for the same reasons. I hope that you are able to come to terms with this situation, realize why it happened, and realize that it doesn’t change anything about you or your orientation. I think it would be much harder for your girlfriend to come to terms with the situation because she’s not the one it happened to.

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The age of consent for same-sex sexual activity was 21, so at this time, I was effectively jail bait. My boyfriends faced prison if we were caught together. The absurd laws didn’t stop passion, or inhibit love, but it was far from agreeable.