Purity: A Friends-to-Lovers College Romance

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I shake my head sharply. “He needs me emotionally, but he doesn’t want me sexually. That’s not the kind of love I want. I want someone who can’t keep his hands off me.” I stupidly didn’t expect the theme of christianity to be so pervasive. The characters in the story are a part of a tight community, devoted to their religion. The mmc is a pastor, a very pious and religious man and remains so. But our fmc is not. She is actually a closeted atheist but keeps going to church to please her family. She is also miserable. In my opinion the main focus was the acceptance of atheists by religious individuals and it was intense. I was sensitive to this topic to begin with, so it felt almost triggering. I liked it but I also hated many of the ideas the mmc and the family presented.

Instead, I turn around. Vanessa’s posture relaxes a little, and Mariana lifts both brows. “I hope this doesn’t mean you’re still planning to save yourself for marriage.” I don’t think she should be doing any of this in the first place. She’s not ready. Her idiot parents sheltered her to the point of ignorance. Mari and I have tried to fill in the gaps, but it’s been hard when Livvy gets so nervous and clammed up when we get too explicit about some of our own sexual experiences.She crosses her arms over her chest. “Well, you said you want to be adventurous, and Mari drives drunk all the time.” She stares at me for a moment. “Well, if you’re ever not fine, just know you can talk to me about it.” My jaw clenches. I shouldn’t be upset. I knew Cole would do this at some point. He has a commanding disposition in general, but he’s especially bossy with me. I can’t blame him. I pretend to wince. “I’ve actually already told everyone to crash in your knitting room if they get too drunk. The couches are way more comfortable there, and those yarn-bowl things will be perfect if they have to puke.” Which is exactly why I need to toss it. It’s creepy how they fixate on the sex life of their adult daughter, and it’s kept me in a box my whole life. I didn’t date. I barely even flirted with anyone. It’s made me live small even as I dreamed big.

As someone who grew up in purity culture, Christian conservatism and who constantly questioned my faith growing up, I related a lot to Mariana. Pastor Brandon was caught between his growing lust for the daughter of his friend and his loyalty to the man who mentored him and led him to God. Her tongue is heaven against mine, even when she doesn’t move it. You need to stop now. You’ll lose yourself if you don’t. I’m just about to force myself to pull away when she ignites. She squeezes my hand. “It’s the absolute truth. Alright, let’s get inside. I’m about to pee my pants after all that beer.” She’s so damned vulnerable. She shouldn’t be getting drunk and making out with strange guys, because she never learned how to protect herself.

It’s not. Oh God, it’s not at all. The only hard thing about it is in my pants, and it’s about to make me give in if she doesn’t stop trying to convince me. I have to stop this now. She has been different these past few weeks in a way I can’t quite pinpoint. I’ve been so busy finishing my last quarter of college, I haven’t seen her nearly as much as I usually do, but in our brief interactions, I’ve sensed a change.

When Brandon called Mariana a “harlot” and “my eager little whore” and claimed he was a sinner because of her, I was done. Mari smiles cheekily. “Maybe once you tell him you want to have sex, he won’t be able to keep his hands off you, just like you’ve always wanted.” But Caroline won't be as easy to kill. She won't forgive and forget. There will be no peace celebrations between the two warring kingdoms. She won't be lulled into complacency like her father.She tells the Uber driver we need to make another stop, or at least, I think she does. I hardly hear her. Why is this so hard? It’s not as if this ring is my actual virginity. How am I going to have sex by the end of the summer if I can’t even toss a piece of metal? I hand him the list so that I can let it do the explaining for me and spare me the embarrassment of having to say the last one aloud. Cole’s brows draw together as he takes it from my hand. His gaze darts over the paper, and my throat grows tight. What is he going to say when he sees the last item? When his eyes nearly pop out of his skill, my stomach churns.

My mom smiles, rolling her eyes. “If there’s even the faintest scent of vomit in my knitting room, you’re starting your apartment hunt tomorrow.” As if a sudden thought occurs to her, her smile fades, and her dark brows draw together. “Honey, I do have to talk to you about something. I wish I could save it until after all of your graduation festivities are over, but it can’t wait. I’ve already waited too long to tell you.” I want to protest, but I only nod. I know that she’s right, but it doesn’t stop this itching anxiety crawling over my skin. She may not find the right lawyer. The fact that she hasn’t even started looking for one attests to that, especially since she asked my dad for a divorce a week ago. She’s so vulnerable after years of having all of her basic needs taken care of by him. That’s probably why she stayed with him, even after years and years of heartache. I ought to tell her the real reason—the true fear. I’m afraid you’ll fall in love with me. I’m afraid I’ll fall in love with you. Once that happens, we’ll be on a path toward destruction. She could never understand. She’s too naive to realize that romantic love is really just intense sexual desire in disguise. And desire always fades.

My Book Notes

I sigh heavily as a visceral memory floods my senses. Cole’s big, warm hands on my waist and in my hair. That delicious groan that filled my belly with heat. “Magical.”